I won't be writing any more entries, at least, not for a while. I have many reasons for this. This online journal was meant as a way for me to keep in touch and share my experiences while away, but I now keep in touch by being there for people, or by calling them or other means. More recently, I've kept it as a personal diary, but I need to stop writing about my life and get back to living it. Not only that, but much of my life is left out of here for lack of words or time to write. I like the idea of having a record of it all, but I'd rather get ot there and continue to live it all. I might pick this up later on, or come back to write about some ridiculous English assignment or some fantastic adventure, but for now, I need to get back to my life. I'll also keep this site up, though I've though of (and have reason to) take it down. I'll keep it online for what it is, a reminder of where I've been, and knowing my love of nostalgia, I'll eventually be back.
-geoffcard
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Drama
My last entry's name was talking about how little time is left in the school year, and yet how easy it would be to ruin it all.
Anyways, this time, I'm done my English project, I have another one, but I can actually do it as an entry, you'll see why soon enough, but before that, I want to talk about just how screwed up my life can get.
First, know that I'm a nineteen-year-old male who has never been in a serious relationship. There was puppy-love when I was a kid, two things that never happened, a confession by me in front of a class in Japan, two full days of flirting that was thwarted by not having any time and one almost-recent rejection. There was also a girl a while back who I still know and have some contact with, who admitted feelings for me. I didn't have the same feelings and there were situational issues. And there was also the girl in pink shoes, whom I had feeling for, but I prefer our simply friendship, and not from fear of loosing her.
I'm looking for a girlfriend. I would gladly take any of probably a few tens of girls I see every week, but even getting over my own issues, and even if I could figure out which ones were taken (seriously, there needs to be some way to tag "jealous boyfriend that's bigger than you" to their girlfriends, and maybe the same to guys, it would make me feel a lot safer). Regardless, even that's not what happened.
Today I got a message from an acquaintance that is going to make part of my social life a lot more awkward. I'm still not sure how I'm going to deal with it, and I lost many hours that I should have spent on homework trying to get it out of my head for a moment. I would talk about it in more depth, but it's that personal for this person, and I try to do what I can to respect other people's privacy, even when I post so much of my own personal life online.
To be honest, I already knew about the message, or at least, I suspected it by how others were acting. I would have trouble believing how messed up my life gets if I weren't so used to it. Dammit, I hate being right about these things. I wish I could be pleasantly surprised by the world someday, but I know all to well that that's wishful thinking.
I'm also being teased this week by my track team, who figured out how I felt about the girl in pink shoes. Their being immature to the point where the grade ten who plays with Nerf guns is probably the teams most adult athlete. Meh, I don't directly care about what they say, I just care indirectly by how she might react to it.
And we had a few exchange students staying over at our house this weekend. It took me away from my English paper for a few precious hours, but it was a nice distraction. Unfortunately most of what I got out of it was nostalgia for when I was on exchange in Japan. It doesn't help that I'm going through my old photos and building a few incomplete panoramas, or and of the hundred other things that remind me of that place. I would love for a chance just to walk along the Saigawa, watch the river flowing, see the people moving about, counting the bridges as I pass underneath, watch the scenery change from hills and valleys to cliffs and open fields, to urban sidewalks, sluices, and construction, to marinas, small suburbs and shoreline. To see the beautiful sakura trees in spring. My sanctum. Anyways, yeah.
Also, I have to catch up on a backlog of homework and other projects from school that have been brushed aside for my English paper. This isn't too much, but it will take some time.
Also, my parents will be gone this week. That doesn't mean very much in a house whose average population dwindles at one, but it means I'll have to do a few more chores on my own. Luckily it also means I only have to clean up after myself.
Anyways, before this gets too long I'll get to my new English project, which isn't really new, but I've had to put it off until this weekend. I have to write a response to Tuesdays with Morrie. So, without further adue:
Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie is a good book that I wish I could have read earlier, instead of having learned so many of it's lessons from my own life in hindsight. It's a book on how to live, written about a man who's about to die, and who wants to pass on life's lessons to the author and readers.
My first reaction to it parallels that of the author and main character: it feels too mushy to me. It feels awkward to read, even though I know from expereience how true the lessons taught in this book are. I think it's a part of our culture to feel this way, that our emotions and closeness to others is not good or necessary. However, I know from experience that these connections are important. I regret holding my parents at arms length, treating them as I would most strangers. I wish I could feel those connections better. I remember living in Japan, and seeing how my lack of connection made me difficult to deal with. I remember the problems it caused and how long it took to make such bonds with people I now consider like family.
I also know how important it is to be a friend, or even just to keep someone company. Again, I still have trouble making these connections with people, but at the same time I know how much I need them, feeling alone all the time. Part of why I didn't like it is that I'm jealous of this dying man for how many meaningful connections and how many friends he has.
I share Morrie's view that people should live their lives how they want and not worry about society, but it seems to have worked out well for him. He acts how he wants, doesn't mind how others think and it works out fine for him. For me, every norm I break just makes me feel more alienated, even when acting more normal makes me feel phony.
The awkward feelings this book gives me remind me of Ender's Game, which has some similar themes, but takes them from a radically different perspective. Instead of relationships, friends, and families, Ender's Game refers to connections and producing babies (in that terminology). Both takes similar topics give me the same stange mushy feeling.
There are many other topics, like living every day like your last, accepting your emotions and forgiving yourself. Many of them are ones we've all heard before, but this book has some good ideas and a few cheesy anecdotes.
That's enough for tonight.
Anyways, this time, I'm done my English project, I have another one, but I can actually do it as an entry, you'll see why soon enough, but before that, I want to talk about just how screwed up my life can get.
First, know that I'm a nineteen-year-old male who has never been in a serious relationship. There was puppy-love when I was a kid, two things that never happened, a confession by me in front of a class in Japan, two full days of flirting that was thwarted by not having any time and one almost-recent rejection. There was also a girl a while back who I still know and have some contact with, who admitted feelings for me. I didn't have the same feelings and there were situational issues. And there was also the girl in pink shoes, whom I had feeling for, but I prefer our simply friendship, and not from fear of loosing her.
I'm looking for a girlfriend. I would gladly take any of probably a few tens of girls I see every week, but even getting over my own issues, and even if I could figure out which ones were taken (seriously, there needs to be some way to tag "jealous boyfriend that's bigger than you" to their girlfriends, and maybe the same to guys, it would make me feel a lot safer). Regardless, even that's not what happened.
Today I got a message from an acquaintance that is going to make part of my social life a lot more awkward. I'm still not sure how I'm going to deal with it, and I lost many hours that I should have spent on homework trying to get it out of my head for a moment. I would talk about it in more depth, but it's that personal for this person, and I try to do what I can to respect other people's privacy, even when I post so much of my own personal life online.
To be honest, I already knew about the message, or at least, I suspected it by how others were acting. I would have trouble believing how messed up my life gets if I weren't so used to it. Dammit, I hate being right about these things. I wish I could be pleasantly surprised by the world someday, but I know all to well that that's wishful thinking.
I'm also being teased this week by my track team, who figured out how I felt about the girl in pink shoes. Their being immature to the point where the grade ten who plays with Nerf guns is probably the teams most adult athlete. Meh, I don't directly care about what they say, I just care indirectly by how she might react to it.
And we had a few exchange students staying over at our house this weekend. It took me away from my English paper for a few precious hours, but it was a nice distraction. Unfortunately most of what I got out of it was nostalgia for when I was on exchange in Japan. It doesn't help that I'm going through my old photos and building a few incomplete panoramas, or and of the hundred other things that remind me of that place. I would love for a chance just to walk along the Saigawa, watch the river flowing, see the people moving about, counting the bridges as I pass underneath, watch the scenery change from hills and valleys to cliffs and open fields, to urban sidewalks, sluices, and construction, to marinas, small suburbs and shoreline. To see the beautiful sakura trees in spring. My sanctum. Anyways, yeah.
Also, I have to catch up on a backlog of homework and other projects from school that have been brushed aside for my English paper. This isn't too much, but it will take some time.
Also, my parents will be gone this week. That doesn't mean very much in a house whose average population dwindles at one, but it means I'll have to do a few more chores on my own. Luckily it also means I only have to clean up after myself.
Anyways, before this gets too long I'll get to my new English project, which isn't really new, but I've had to put it off until this weekend. I have to write a response to Tuesdays with Morrie. So, without further adue:
Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie is a good book that I wish I could have read earlier, instead of having learned so many of it's lessons from my own life in hindsight. It's a book on how to live, written about a man who's about to die, and who wants to pass on life's lessons to the author and readers.
My first reaction to it parallels that of the author and main character: it feels too mushy to me. It feels awkward to read, even though I know from expereience how true the lessons taught in this book are. I think it's a part of our culture to feel this way, that our emotions and closeness to others is not good or necessary. However, I know from experience that these connections are important. I regret holding my parents at arms length, treating them as I would most strangers. I wish I could feel those connections better. I remember living in Japan, and seeing how my lack of connection made me difficult to deal with. I remember the problems it caused and how long it took to make such bonds with people I now consider like family.
I also know how important it is to be a friend, or even just to keep someone company. Again, I still have trouble making these connections with people, but at the same time I know how much I need them, feeling alone all the time. Part of why I didn't like it is that I'm jealous of this dying man for how many meaningful connections and how many friends he has.
I share Morrie's view that people should live their lives how they want and not worry about society, but it seems to have worked out well for him. He acts how he wants, doesn't mind how others think and it works out fine for him. For me, every norm I break just makes me feel more alienated, even when acting more normal makes me feel phony.
The awkward feelings this book gives me remind me of Ender's Game, which has some similar themes, but takes them from a radically different perspective. Instead of relationships, friends, and families, Ender's Game refers to connections and producing babies (in that terminology). Both takes similar topics give me the same stange mushy feeling.
There are many other topics, like living every day like your last, accepting your emotions and forgiving yourself. Many of them are ones we've all heard before, but this book has some good ideas and a few cheesy anecdotes.
That's enough for tonight.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Home stretches are great places to trip up
I find it awkward to have ended that last entry where I did with no follow up. It was supposed to have a lot of follow up. Unfortunately I've been that busy. More than any of the hundred and on things standing on my shoulders, it's been my English report, due this week.
First, to any of you who want to say "oh, how silly of you, you should have gotten it done sooner, my, my, how stupid of you," I have been working on it, but it's like my science fair: no matter how early you start or how much you get complete, most of it is going to be done on the last day. Up to now I've been focusing on what to write, and now that I have a subject, I need to fill it with content.
In case you didn't read or forget what this project it about, I need to write a five page (double spaced) report on "how have your literary experiences affected the developement of your philosophy of life?" It needs to include references to the books I've read, a second source (review, critic or well written hear-say) of a book I've read, and two quotations (one long and one short).
The first part was the hardest: finding a philosophy. After hours of searching, I decided to make one up. It's basically the idea that wecshould continually progress and move forwards throught our lives, evolving, developing, changing and living as full a life as possible. Now all I need to do is expand on that and find references to literature.
The first point I'll make on the philosophy is to never give up, to always keep moving and never loose hope. This is easy to find in any story, especially ones with heroes. Also, don't stand still because the world keeps turning, it doesn't stop for you. I'd really like to quote Fullmetal Alchemist here (立って歩け前へ進めあんたには立派な足がついてるじゃないか Stand up and walk. Keep going forward. At least you have strong legs to take you there), but I'm not sure if my teacher will let me use examples from comics in another language.
The next point is not to let anything hold you back. Try to live without regrets, accept what is and move on. This doesn't mean forgetting or running away, all that will ever do is hold you back even more. To move forwards sometimes you have to face things head on (I suggest a tackle). I would like to have a quote or something here to back me up, but I doubt I'll find one.
Next is that we should continually change and develop (unless you've magically found a way to make a whole series of books about perfect people who never develop or change and just keep repeating how lovely and perfect they-oh wait, it's called Twilight, bleh). By this I mean personal developement in every aspect, whether that be hobbies, skills, career, physique, or even philosophy. I should imagine that I can somehow relate character developement to books, but I'm not sure how.
Then there's talking about diversity, how it's important to get everything you can out of life (actually, to avoid seeming like I'm repeating myself, I should put this before developement). Whether it's travelling to far off places, just having and adventure in your own backyard, or seeing what's around the next corner, talking about the places you'll go and the things that you'll see (yes, I'll be referencing Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places you'll go). I hope to get a good quote out on this one. It really is a good idea to open your eyes and look around.
Finally, I think the last part would be not to settle. To keep going until you've wither found what you're looking for or you're six feet under. This will make up two parts, first, that like the first part, you should never give up (and here I'll be referencing a writing on Douglas Adam's Hitchtiker's Guide), and second, that if you do find what you're looking for in life, then it's fine to stop. This is a philosophy of getting from point A to point B, but once you're at point B, you probably won't need it any more.
So, I think that's a good run down of my ideas. All I need to do now is turn that into a five page report and remove all but the third person.
Actually, now that I think about it, this is a nice tie-in to my last post, which was about my point B. Anyways, I still need to either re-write that post or give it the closure I was and am too tired to ad then and now. Goodnight.
Oh, but first, just to gie you an idea of what literary works I've read, here's a list of all the books and series I remember:
Dr. Seuss (too many to list)
Where the Wild Things Are
Ender's Game (and series)
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (and series)
Discworld (and series)
Twilight (and series, in full, I had my reasons for reading it)
Hamlet
Julius Caesar
Tuesdays with Morrie
God's Debris
Neverwhere
Nineteen Eighty Four
The Time Traveller's Wife
The Catcher in the Rye
Bushido
Shogun
Gaijin
Childhood's End
The Sea Wolf
Great Expectations
The Kite Runner
Different Seasons
The Crucible
The Crysalids
To Kill a Mocking Bird
Raisin in the Sun
The Giver
The Outsiders
The Cay
Inherit the Wind
Harry Potter (and series)
Animorphs
Jumanji
The Hobbit
My Side of the Mountain
Hatchet
Listened to audiobooks of
The Divine Comedy
A Breif History of Nearly Everything
A Breif History of Time
Monday Mourning
The Polar Express
(many by Sue Grafton)
The Haymeadows
Merlin and the Dragons
The Invisible Man
The Time Machine
The War of the Worlds
Alice in Wonderland
The Lion The Wtich and the Wardrobe
Casino Royale
Sherlock Holmes
Poetry:
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (yes, that's how it's spelled)
The Raven
Japanese:
Fullmetal Alchemist
D.N.angel
Bloody Monday
Naruto
The Journey of Shuna
There's definately much more, but that's all I have for now. Goodnight.
First, to any of you who want to say "oh, how silly of you, you should have gotten it done sooner, my, my, how stupid of you," I have been working on it, but it's like my science fair: no matter how early you start or how much you get complete, most of it is going to be done on the last day. Up to now I've been focusing on what to write, and now that I have a subject, I need to fill it with content.
In case you didn't read or forget what this project it about, I need to write a five page (double spaced) report on "how have your literary experiences affected the developement of your philosophy of life?" It needs to include references to the books I've read, a second source (review, critic or well written hear-say) of a book I've read, and two quotations (one long and one short).
The first part was the hardest: finding a philosophy. After hours of searching, I decided to make one up. It's basically the idea that wecshould continually progress and move forwards throught our lives, evolving, developing, changing and living as full a life as possible. Now all I need to do is expand on that and find references to literature.
The first point I'll make on the philosophy is to never give up, to always keep moving and never loose hope. This is easy to find in any story, especially ones with heroes. Also, don't stand still because the world keeps turning, it doesn't stop for you. I'd really like to quote Fullmetal Alchemist here (立って歩け前へ進めあんたには立派な足がついてるじゃないか Stand up and walk. Keep going forward. At least you have strong legs to take you there), but I'm not sure if my teacher will let me use examples from comics in another language.
The next point is not to let anything hold you back. Try to live without regrets, accept what is and move on. This doesn't mean forgetting or running away, all that will ever do is hold you back even more. To move forwards sometimes you have to face things head on (I suggest a tackle). I would like to have a quote or something here to back me up, but I doubt I'll find one.
Next is that we should continually change and develop (unless you've magically found a way to make a whole series of books about perfect people who never develop or change and just keep repeating how lovely and perfect they-oh wait, it's called Twilight, bleh). By this I mean personal developement in every aspect, whether that be hobbies, skills, career, physique, or even philosophy. I should imagine that I can somehow relate character developement to books, but I'm not sure how.
Then there's talking about diversity, how it's important to get everything you can out of life (actually, to avoid seeming like I'm repeating myself, I should put this before developement). Whether it's travelling to far off places, just having and adventure in your own backyard, or seeing what's around the next corner, talking about the places you'll go and the things that you'll see (yes, I'll be referencing Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places you'll go). I hope to get a good quote out on this one. It really is a good idea to open your eyes and look around.
Finally, I think the last part would be not to settle. To keep going until you've wither found what you're looking for or you're six feet under. This will make up two parts, first, that like the first part, you should never give up (and here I'll be referencing a writing on Douglas Adam's Hitchtiker's Guide), and second, that if you do find what you're looking for in life, then it's fine to stop. This is a philosophy of getting from point A to point B, but once you're at point B, you probably won't need it any more.
So, I think that's a good run down of my ideas. All I need to do now is turn that into a five page report and remove all but the third person.
Actually, now that I think about it, this is a nice tie-in to my last post, which was about my point B. Anyways, I still need to either re-write that post or give it the closure I was and am too tired to ad then and now. Goodnight.
Oh, but first, just to gie you an idea of what literary works I've read, here's a list of all the books and series I remember:
Dr. Seuss (too many to list)
Where the Wild Things Are
Ender's Game (and series)
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (and series)
Discworld (and series)
Twilight (and series, in full, I had my reasons for reading it)
Hamlet
Julius Caesar
Tuesdays with Morrie
God's Debris
Neverwhere
Nineteen Eighty Four
The Time Traveller's Wife
The Catcher in the Rye
Bushido
Shogun
Gaijin
Childhood's End
The Sea Wolf
Great Expectations
The Kite Runner
Different Seasons
The Crucible
The Crysalids
To Kill a Mocking Bird
Raisin in the Sun
The Giver
The Outsiders
The Cay
Inherit the Wind
Harry Potter (and series)
Animorphs
Jumanji
The Hobbit
My Side of the Mountain
Hatchet
Listened to audiobooks of
The Divine Comedy
A Breif History of Nearly Everything
A Breif History of Time
Monday Mourning
The Polar Express
(many by Sue Grafton)
The Haymeadows
Merlin and the Dragons
The Invisible Man
The Time Machine
The War of the Worlds
Alice in Wonderland
The Lion The Wtich and the Wardrobe
Casino Royale
Sherlock Holmes
Poetry:
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (yes, that's how it's spelled)
The Raven
Japanese:
Fullmetal Alchemist
D.N.angel
Bloody Monday
Naruto
The Journey of Shuna
There's definately much more, but that's all I have for now. Goodnight.
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