These Kids

I was going to write an entry, but I started looking up Calvin and Hobbes for a philosophy research project (English class). It's amazing how deep kids' books are. Seriously, compared the content of Dr. Seuss or Calvin and Hobbes to what a more "mature" audience is supposed to read. The kids have the better books, with pictures and meaning. What do we have? The Catcher in the Rye? Books about peoples lives being average? I'm re-adding kids' books to my to read list.

Also, I'll try to post something tomorrow. Good night (or morning, day, evening, or whatever astrological event may or may not apply).

Just Another Monday

So, this morning started out easily enough. I got out of bed, did all the usual stuff, got to school earily, spoke briefly with some at school (the teacher's daughter... I'm going to have to come up with something to call these people, this is getting ridiculous), headed back outside, to the parking lot and waited.

Ten minutes later I was asking my crush out. The answer was what I expected from the first time I really spoke to her, "no." There were a few more words but nothing of concequence. I disappeared until first period.

The answer didn't bother me, as I said, I was expecting it. The two thing that do bother me are think about whether she'll ever say yes to anyone, and wonder what her friends will think of me. Whether good or bad, at least it gets my name around, it'll help define people's opinions of me, and at the end of the day, at least I'll have been thought of.

Emotionally, I am little depressed, but compared to what I've been through, this is nothing. There's a little embarassement, but both are overcome easily. The only trouble it cause me was getting my mind back in order in class. Anyways, that'll probably wrap that issue up nicely, and for the sake of the aliases I use on here, I'll continue to call her "crush".

As for the issue of letters, I'm still working on them. And tonight I have plenty of other work to get done. I have a few quick questions in calculus, I'm rewriting my notes for a section of physics for an old friend, I have fifty vocabulary words to remember for English, Nineteen-Eighty-Four to read for Wednesday for English and if I finish all that (not a chance in hell, but it will still get in on time), I can work on some panoramic photos and other works I've been wating to do something with. So with that, I'm going to get started.

やる気の問題

やるきのもんだい, motivation issues, literally: do feeling 's problem.

I'm sure that everyone has things they have trouble getting themselves to do. For me, it's a few different things, and right now, they're stacking up.

First, homework and work aren't really on the list. When set to work, I'll do it. True, I haven't finished my lab report due tomorrow (Monday), but I've already read the questions, done the math, and all I have to do is write it down, I'll probably get it done once I've finished writing this.

Writing to my host families and friends in Japan, on the other hand, is something I've had trouble doing. Sometimes I just don't know what to write, other times I don't have time to and still more, I just can't get myself to do it. I've written up most of three, I'm trying to do six and I'll send them by all the fastest mail when I'm down, as if that would make up for how long they've taken.

Another issue is my crush (sorry, but you are reading my blog). I'm trying to ask her, and I don't even think it's rejection that scares me, but I just really need to hurry up and ask her. I'm almost expecting a "no" at this point, but just like in Japan, my life here is brief, I might as well make what I can of it.

Moving along, those are my two main issues, but I also want to get in contact with the other exchange students, Callan, Brie and Nick. It's not so much procrastinating as lack of communication. It's funny, in the old days it took so long for people to send messages across the world, now we can do it instantly, but we just don't.

Anyways, moving into narrative.

So, my weeks seem to have fallen into routine. I don't like it, but it's mostly unavoidable.

Monday starts with me waking up to white noise. I'm a light sleeper, so it wakes me up easily, slightly to random to be ignored and to turbulent to sing me back to sleep. I get up, eat breakfast, grab a sandwich made last night, brush my teeth, grab an apple and head out. I listen to something with a beat while I run to school. I live one mile away, so this is just a nice, sort, morning run.
I arrive at school somewhere shortly after eight. School doesn't start for another three-quarters of an hour, but the table where I want to sit fills up quickly. (I'll admit it, I time it to get there a few minutes before my crush, but there's usually someone there before her. One of the reasons I've been putting asking her off has been to wait for a time when we're one on one.) I talk and socialize, find out about the test next period and listen to all their stories of things they've done together, or things they wished someone else was there for. I say this because I'm not mentioned in any of it, another downside of being an outsider (外人). No one ever says anything to me unless I speak first, but no one seems to oppose my presence.

Classes go by easily enough. Socially, every class is like the cafeteria in the morning, with only a slight variation on people. In chimie avancee 12 I sit anywhere close to people, usually in the place of someone absent. I see what I can get of people's social lives from what I hear, I ask about the occasional thing and every once in a while there's a "your mom" joke made about the teacher's daughter (she's one of the group).

Calculus 12 is bi-polar. I sit in silence for the girl behind me, who just wants to figure it out and get the work done. That's why she sits in the far corner, the only seat even behind me (I like sitting far away to get the panoramic view of the class, you might find I'm often near walls). Those times I do what I can to follow her example and work, it's a habit I need. The rest of the time though, I answer questions and comments shouted from across the class while not bothering to do the work because I know the concept already (sadly, I can get nineties like this).

In advanced physics 12, people are more concentrated on their work. I still talk to people far away, but it's less frequent and more physics oriented. I get most of my work right while speeding through it. Again, I can get away with this because I'm familiar with the subject, and again I wish I could mimic the girl behind me and do my work. (Guess who she is.)

In advanced English 12, the class is much more open. We talk more and feel that a lot of our work is bullshit. I'm not very good at adding fluff to my work, despite who much I write and I really need to put more effort into the subject. Oh well, it's a mandatory course. Oh, and guess what girl is in this class too.

Our school schedules run through our four classes every day on a four day cycle that follows as: period one, period two, period three, lunch, period four, period four. Each period is about an hour long.

On Monday, lunch is spent with the Interact club executive staff. We give reports on the weekly activities, attendance and our monthly projects. I'm co-president, there's the other co president and three other staff as well as the two teachers who run the club. The meetings are long and filled with a lot of dilly-dally shilly-shally by the teachers as they draw out explanations, stories, complaints and repeat themselves. I recognize the work they do, but our meetings could be a lot more efficient and over with if it weren't for the afore mentioned. Unfortunately, I can't say any of this because I'm already getting on bad terms with one of the teachers.

After school I talk to cg. She's (not the girl I've mentioned) my friend's sister, and was the closest thing to a friend when the school year started. I wait with her as she finds a ride home. Sometimes I'll take a ride, especially if it's her brother (my friend) driving, but I usually end up walking home. I've gotten so used to walking and running that I know it sideways and backwards. I mean that literally, I sometimes walk home from school backwards, taking a look ahead once every hundred-metres or so.

My evenings are mostly empty. I check my web comics, e-mail and messages. I might watch a show on the computer. I download podcasts. I'm doing well at avoiding my computer, it's now usually asleep or off. Mostly, I'm getting into doing my homework. I'd call up one of my friends except that they're all in university and they have classes until late and work on homework until later. I would read more books if I didn't have English class.

At night I try to get to sleep. Sometimes I catch myself watching too many shows, surfing the Internet, looking up concepts or very rarely playing a video game. I shower, shave, brush my teeth, clip my nails, make tomorrow's lunch, undress, listen to a podcast and think. Sleep hits me later. I'm now trying to be asleep for midnight. I'm a night-owl by nature, but I have too much going on in my morning.

Tuesday follows much the same pattern. I might wake up later and skip breakfast or forget my apple. At lunch I'll go to either the robotics club or visit some grade ten friends. The former started earlier this month and the latter make me feel old, awkward and they're a bit too ridiculous for me. I hang out with them because of a similar interest in Japan, though they're into the over-the-top anime stuff while I try to avoid it. My night is also the same. I keep my schedule open hoping that something might happen, that someone might call, but nothing has.

On Wednesday lunch is spent with the Interact club. I get there early to try to get people to sign attendance. Once enough people are there I start the meeting and the executive takes turns taking about the different things going on, asking questions, talking about upcoming events and urging people to sign up. The meeting finishes a little before lunch is over. And once again my night is empty.

Thursdays have the usual setup until school ends. Then I head out for the Cove. It's a guest home (old folks home) where I volunteer for Interact. We've been having trouble getting people to go (despite our other guest home volunteering taking off) but I show up every week, even sometimes when I don't volunteer, just to see how things are going. I don't like volunteer work, especially where I deal with people, but keeping it up has its advantages.

Fridays are not my favourite days. Most goes as usual, except that at night I go in to work with a friend and work until his shift is over. The best term the manager has found for my work is quasi-. It's weird and I wish I had something else to do on Fridays, but I don't. I get home late and try to get to sleep.

Saturdays change. Sometimes I have a slow day, sometimes I work out at the house and other times something might actually happen, but not often.

Me working at the house (a few weeks ago).

This Saturday I got up early to go to a robotics competition. Our club finished working on our robot Friday and had a few dry runs. The competition was to built a robot for stacking Jenga blocks in one-on-one matches. I got there early and saw one of my university friends. It turned out that the university was having a forum where everyone was showing off different research and other types of projects. My friend was part of a team making a cheap and effective catalyst with a proline enzyme. I saw other projects by other friends, some looked cool like one about waves (standing waves) in fire, and some were so simple I couldn't believe that was it (like one on energy, e=mgh=.5mvv). There was also a robotics competition between the engineering students about robots throwing balls over a wall.
We looked at our competition, one school had copied a design right out of a manual, another had gone for something very effective, but that would take a lot of time to build anything very high. The best design slid the blocks into long slot and then pulled the whole lot vertical (a bit hard to explain). Our picked them up one by one and stacked them, but along with the former, we stacked blocks end-on-end, and with blocks four times longer than wide or high, that made it a lot easier. We won. Mostly because the better designed robot broke down, but we won none the less. I'll also add that all the designs I saw here were ones I had thought of, but that really doesn't mean much.
At then end of the event, everyone was gathered in a classroom and awards were presented. The plaque for our event was very plain, wooden with a small metal plate near the top naming the university, department, competition and year. We found out later that (much live everything else in the event including some robots) the plaque had been made at the last minute. We also got free t-shirts, hats and pizza.

Here's a video or robots and the fire project.

When I got home, I was taken out to the house to move some stuff around, and when I got home I called the friend I usually go into work with on Saturdays (cg's brother), but he had already left. I could have gotten another ride in, but I decided to stay at home.

I tried to get some sleep in this morning (Sunday). I made myself an larger lunch to make up for missing breakfast.

My lunch today.

Today, as usual, my homework isn't done yet, a habit I want broken. I cleaned up my room, and as usual, I'll get myself cleaned up, showered, shaven and all the rest. I'll finish my homework and read more of my English book, Nineteen-Eighty-Four. Hopefully I'll be done and asleep before the day is done.

March Work

Well, today ends March break, or spring break or whatever you call it. I'm not sure about you but I'm glad it's over. Actually, I'm not sure if I got the same spring break as everyone else. I was out building a house and taking shifts at the restaurant. I didn't get a real break, just a lot more work than usual.

It started at about Thursday. On Thursdays I have volunteer work after school. I spend time with people at a guest home, usually playing a game of cribbage with an English lady. It's slow, but I enjoy the game, the conversation is a bonus and really, there's worse volunteer work I could be doing. It's at a place half way into town, and so hen I was done, I headed in to the restaurant just to sit down, maybe have a drink and talk or just relax. That wa a mistake.

I got there, sa down and waited a while, talked to people, waited for a podcast to finish downloading (the walk home is long and I get tired of my music quickly). A while later I was still there when me father came in. I know that there was some time of not much happening in between, but it's a distant memeroy now and all I can remember was it being eleven of the clock at night and being driven home after working.

Friday, the day before March break, is a day when most kids skip. I don't, I prefer being around the few kids left at school to sitting at home with nothing to do. On this Friday my dad called me off school to help build the house. We were working with one other guy to get truses up onto the roof. It was slow and heavy work, at least, heavy for a guy who never works out (id est, me). I got home and then got ready for work at the restaurant.

You see, now I'm taking shifts with my friends, it's technically not regular work and technically not training, basically I follow them in and help them out or do whatever needs to be done. Basically, I'm just collecting work experience and learning how to work out front with customers, but I'm extra and not needed. I'd go into more depth of why it's complicated an not really training, but it's not worth it.

At then end of the night I got a ride home, I forget what I did, but eventually, very late, I got to sleep. The next day was another day of building the roof, and another shift at work, actually I got home just as my drive was leaving and barely made it. The next day was another out at the house. It didn't really help that all the people out there to help build kept telling me to stay in school. I have no intention of leaving school for another four years at least. As if to prove this, I also started bringing my book for English class so that I could read (with the background noise of saws and hammers) when I wasn't needed.

It was about this point when I got back into Fallout 3, a video game. I don't play video games as much as some people think, but when I do play, I binge. For those of you who don't know about Fallout, it's a game about a post-apocolyptic, retro-futuristic (1950s in the 2250s) United States of Amercia. It's know for being immersive and very long with about fourty square kilometers of wasteland to explore and all kinds of different things to do, mostly trying to survive.

Most of the week followed with me working at the house or at the restaurant it not both. I also switched games to God of War III which came out Tuesday (the goriest games of my collection, which is usually rather tame). God of War III is a butchery of Greek mythology, though butchery in the way of violence, it's setting is suprisingly accurate, especially compared to Dante's Inferno (a game about it's namesake; The Divine Comedy). Now, sleep deprived, tired and sore, I'm going to go to sleep and wake up for MY break, which is to say, a normal workday.

It's a dog's life, but it could be worse (really, I'm just adding that part on the end so that no one else will).

I'd write more but sleep. Also, I'll soon have picutres, they're right here on my computer, but I'm THAT tired.

Trust

Today I had a conversation with someone who says that you shouldn't trust other people (specifically secrets). It's dangerous, others will be able to exploit you or other bad stuff might happen. His point is valid, but I don't want to be a recluse.

So, I'm going to go through and see just how much I trust others. I'll start with the internet.

I have this blog, it represents a lot of my personal thoughts, feelings, experiences and many ideas that I would not ordinarily share. I also has picture of people and places, however I try to keep the anonymity of others. I trust having this online because most people reading this are either close family and friends or absolute strangers. I also have links to here from Facebook, but I doubt that anyone around me not a close friend or family has read this. If they have, they've kept it to themselves. I trust strangers because they have no effect on my life and vice versa, I don't interact with them. I trust my friends, otherwise they wouldn't be my friends. Ironically, my family are the ones I trust least reading my blog, not that that means much. Classmates, coworkers or aquaintences are the least trsutworthy, those relationships are based on being in the same place and have less to do with interpersonal relations.

My Facebook page is public. It always has been. Anything relating to just me is accessable, I don't see a point in hiding it. My age, address and phone numbers are missing as precautions, but my likes, pictures, theology and cetera are all there. Granted, my page is lacking in applications and quizzes.

I don't have a MySpace page and my page for Microsoft (whatever their Live site is called) is mostly blank, as is my Google profile. I've just never seen a point in filling them out.

There are also many things that I let slip in conversation. I do this mostly intentionally. You could say it's peer pressure, but really, I decide to say it. Often it's something that could mean a lot to certain people, but I usually don't tell the person involved; it just never comes up. It's always something that could be used against me, but I often present it in a cryptic way and usually it means nothing to the listener. For example, there are four people at my school who know about my crush, one of them I told directly, two asked why I was so irritable one day and the last one figured it out and asked me (he propbably didn't expect me to admit it and talk about it so openly).

Then there's stalking and "creeping." Bascially detective work. With a name, address or phone number you can find the other two in the phone book. Many people have this written on their Facebook pages. Lots of people have photos with their house in the background. Whenever people fill out forms they usually have their name, address, phone numbers, parent's signature and cetera. This is the age of information, privacy is just a word.

Well, just something to think about.

Wasted day

I'm using the slang meaning of the word "wasted." You'll see why.

So, Saturday started early for me. On Friday I had been asked to volunteer for some basketball event and I said yes. Someone was going to pick me up at eight-fifteen, so I got up at seven-forty-five, had breakfast and all that jazz and waited. We drove over to the university where it was being held and asked around to find out what we'd be doing. After about fifteen minutes and at least four explanations from different people we started. Our job was to time kids as they completed different basketball related challenges and record it on sheets. It went well enough; I wrote down times as they were given to me, there were only a few mix-ups and I kept using colons instead of periods to split seconds from milliseconds. Two ours passed and our job was done. The people who had driven me out told me to ride with them back into town (the university here is about four kilometers from the outskirts of town), but I refused, twice, despite their calling after me. I walked across fields and on the opposite side of the road to get the point across.

I ran in the cool winter air. Actually this winter has been temperate and we've had nowhere near our usual hills of snow. We had had rain the day before and now everything shimmered with frozen droplets. The snow was slippery, strong enough to hold me up and glistened like polished metal. Tree branches sparkled like crystal, reminding me of the beauty of sakura trees. The sky had given up its clouds and the sun stood in the midst of spectacular blue. Sadly, I missed getting any pictures of this, I should really get back into the habit of taking snapshots. They're never as good as living the moment, but they try.

Anyways, I was heading into town to meet a few friends for lunch. I ran because they had just come from a race I couldn't make it to (due to the volunteering) and I wanted to show that I was still determined to run. I would meet the one with pink shoes at an appointment she had. We arrived at the same time, not ten seconds apart. She went in and I stayed outside, cooling down and waiting for the others. They had been to my house, expecting to pick me up, but made it back well before the appointments was over. When it was, we headed to Tim Horton's for a quick bit before we all went out separate ways.

I came home and spent some time sorting through all our old electronics, throwing out about three and a half computers worth of old components. I've cut back on my computer. It's now down to the basics: skeleton frame (I should use the side panels, but I don't, and at this point, the computer is going to die of technical causes before something spills on it), power source, mother board, video card, audio card, two hard disc drives, keyboard, mouse, wi-fi adaptor, monitor and speakers. Anything else I need I can hook up later. It's all in a box somewhere. I've also disconnected my PS3, which will stay so until my to-do list shortens down. Anyway, I drove out to an electronics disposal place and dropped it all off.

I then went through and cleaned out a few virtual things on my computer before getting a message from my friends; they were going out for drinks. A half-hour later I grabbed my coat and jogged over to the bar.

They weren't there when I arrived, so I waited around for about twenty or thirty minutes. I got annoyed, and not having a cellphone, there was no way of getting in contact with them without going home. So I jogged back to find a message on my answering machine. They had been to my house to pick me up while I had been at the bar waiting for them. I ran back, remembering why I keep all that Linkin Park music on my PSP: because it's fast.

I made it, two of them were sitting, eating and the third was working in the kitchen (she came out later to visit us). I told them what had happened and they apologized, saying that they though they had told me they'd pick me up (I'm quite sure they hadn't, I usually take note of things like that). After a few beer and nachos all was pretty much forgiven. We headed to one of their homes (it's kind of hard to keep up the anonymity without being ambiguous) and had a few more drinks. I found out that I have little trouble drinking bad tasting (alcoholic) drinks, but that's probably from the fact that I hate alcohol to begin with. I ended up downing my drink and one of theirs, and then we headed to another bar.

This week, Sydney (Nova Scotia, where I live) is hosting the East Coast Music Awards (ECMAs) and the bar was packed as the performers played and stage. I have video of the band, but it's too loud to hear anything, sorry. We did some shots and moved around and talked with different people. I spotted a few old friends and a few people from work. The one who was working in the kitchen finished and came over, we had more shots and then I started sobering up. Sobering up for me, whether getting over alcohol or getting over a good feeling usually kills my mood, even before all its effects are gone. It was also getting to be early in the morning, so I headed out. I forgot to call for a ride, but being as much of a runner as I am, I just ran home. I was okay, my vision was slightly off, but I had my balance and my legs worked just fine. I made it in and started drinking all the water I could. I tried to stay up, to wait to be sober before succumbed to sleep, but I was out before I could remember getting under the covers.

Today I've once again avoided a hangover, though my legs sure hate me. I ran about thirty kilometers that day. Today has been slow, I've just been cleaning up and trying to get things done. Oh, and one last thing, geoffcard isn't a username (that would be gercunderscore4), my real name is Geoffrey Card, but there always being another Jeff, I'm usually called "geoffcard," spoken quickly as one word.

Scholarships

I'm looking for sholarships to apply to (and hopefully receive), the problem is that most of them are very specific. I can't apply to the ones I see at school because most of them are only for Nova Scotia, I can't apply for the on at Boston Pizza because I won't be working in my first year, I can't apply to any for visual minorities or anything like that. So what I'm left with are generic "we give munies for hyperbolic essays," sadly I'm behind on those to because of how busy I've been. I'm currently woking on an entrance scholarship despite the fact that it's overdue, just so that I can try. I've also tried signing up for an online scholarship site, but I'm having trouble getting the site to work.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing this is to type up my essay for the University of British Columbia Vancouver Major Entrance Scholarship. It asks that I "[t]hink of a significant challenge you have face. Using this example, describe how your successes and failiures in dealing with challenges have contributed to your personal development." I've got five-hundred words with which to write it. Feel free to critique it.

Here' goes:

During my year long exchange to Japan, myself and the other exchange students had trouble fitting in and being accepted. Being a foreigner is hard, especially in an ethnocentric country like Japan. We did everything we could to fit in; I've known people who played the class clown to get attention, people who played up their foreign traits, some who just did as they were told and others who tried everything they could to be "normal."

The First thing was language. I learned both Japanese syllabaries in four days and bought several books on the language. Unfortunately my first host family spoke English which they fell back on a lot. Having been in and out of French immersion, I know how important immersion is for learning languages. I still kept ahead of the other exchange students in my area. I did everything I could, translating comics, watching television and movies, playing games, singing, ordering food al in Japanese, having conversations, learning Japanese ideograms, taking lessons, using flashcards, even reading packaging and signs in the streets. Sometimes I would fall back on English and I hated every time I did.

I also had to live with many different host families. My first was the hardest. I didn't get along with my host father. He wanted me to do as I was told and stay in my room and study, whereas I spent my time going out to experience the country for myself. My "independence" was a constant source of feuds and I spent those months in constant apprehension. It didn't help that I was still only learning their culture and customs. It was in the last three days that I made amends, and the rest of stay went exceptionally well through four more host families.

The greatest challenge though, was the stress of knowing I had only one year. I felt time counting down constantly. I felt every second, minute, hour, day, week, month and season passing and I’ve kept that sense of time. It put pressure on me to learn the language and customs faster, to make more friends, to take it all in and to do all I could before it was over. I learned to use time better, fitting things in, running from one thing to the next, leaving half way through a movie with friends to make it to a meeting across town. I learned to set dates and times, reschedule, accommodating others’ and their plans and anticipating problems. What time I didn’t spend doing everything I could, I spent walking around the city, learning the roads, browsing the shops and looking for a friendly face. By the time I left I knew the city better than some natives.

I spent every moment of a year that I could, trying to gain acceptance of a people foreign to me. I was learning to live among them, building familiar bonds, making friends and all before my inevitable departure.

Anyways, I have ideas for a few more entries but I'm short on time.