やる気の問題

やるきのもんだい, motivation issues, literally: do feeling 's problem.

I'm sure that everyone has things they have trouble getting themselves to do. For me, it's a few different things, and right now, they're stacking up.

First, homework and work aren't really on the list. When set to work, I'll do it. True, I haven't finished my lab report due tomorrow (Monday), but I've already read the questions, done the math, and all I have to do is write it down, I'll probably get it done once I've finished writing this.

Writing to my host families and friends in Japan, on the other hand, is something I've had trouble doing. Sometimes I just don't know what to write, other times I don't have time to and still more, I just can't get myself to do it. I've written up most of three, I'm trying to do six and I'll send them by all the fastest mail when I'm down, as if that would make up for how long they've taken.

Another issue is my crush (sorry, but you are reading my blog). I'm trying to ask her, and I don't even think it's rejection that scares me, but I just really need to hurry up and ask her. I'm almost expecting a "no" at this point, but just like in Japan, my life here is brief, I might as well make what I can of it.

Moving along, those are my two main issues, but I also want to get in contact with the other exchange students, Callan, Brie and Nick. It's not so much procrastinating as lack of communication. It's funny, in the old days it took so long for people to send messages across the world, now we can do it instantly, but we just don't.

Anyways, moving into narrative.

So, my weeks seem to have fallen into routine. I don't like it, but it's mostly unavoidable.

Monday starts with me waking up to white noise. I'm a light sleeper, so it wakes me up easily, slightly to random to be ignored and to turbulent to sing me back to sleep. I get up, eat breakfast, grab a sandwich made last night, brush my teeth, grab an apple and head out. I listen to something with a beat while I run to school. I live one mile away, so this is just a nice, sort, morning run.
I arrive at school somewhere shortly after eight. School doesn't start for another three-quarters of an hour, but the table where I want to sit fills up quickly. (I'll admit it, I time it to get there a few minutes before my crush, but there's usually someone there before her. One of the reasons I've been putting asking her off has been to wait for a time when we're one on one.) I talk and socialize, find out about the test next period and listen to all their stories of things they've done together, or things they wished someone else was there for. I say this because I'm not mentioned in any of it, another downside of being an outsider (外人). No one ever says anything to me unless I speak first, but no one seems to oppose my presence.

Classes go by easily enough. Socially, every class is like the cafeteria in the morning, with only a slight variation on people. In chimie avancee 12 I sit anywhere close to people, usually in the place of someone absent. I see what I can get of people's social lives from what I hear, I ask about the occasional thing and every once in a while there's a "your mom" joke made about the teacher's daughter (she's one of the group).

Calculus 12 is bi-polar. I sit in silence for the girl behind me, who just wants to figure it out and get the work done. That's why she sits in the far corner, the only seat even behind me (I like sitting far away to get the panoramic view of the class, you might find I'm often near walls). Those times I do what I can to follow her example and work, it's a habit I need. The rest of the time though, I answer questions and comments shouted from across the class while not bothering to do the work because I know the concept already (sadly, I can get nineties like this).

In advanced physics 12, people are more concentrated on their work. I still talk to people far away, but it's less frequent and more physics oriented. I get most of my work right while speeding through it. Again, I can get away with this because I'm familiar with the subject, and again I wish I could mimic the girl behind me and do my work. (Guess who she is.)

In advanced English 12, the class is much more open. We talk more and feel that a lot of our work is bullshit. I'm not very good at adding fluff to my work, despite who much I write and I really need to put more effort into the subject. Oh well, it's a mandatory course. Oh, and guess what girl is in this class too.

Our school schedules run through our four classes every day on a four day cycle that follows as: period one, period two, period three, lunch, period four, period four. Each period is about an hour long.

On Monday, lunch is spent with the Interact club executive staff. We give reports on the weekly activities, attendance and our monthly projects. I'm co-president, there's the other co president and three other staff as well as the two teachers who run the club. The meetings are long and filled with a lot of dilly-dally shilly-shally by the teachers as they draw out explanations, stories, complaints and repeat themselves. I recognize the work they do, but our meetings could be a lot more efficient and over with if it weren't for the afore mentioned. Unfortunately, I can't say any of this because I'm already getting on bad terms with one of the teachers.

After school I talk to cg. She's (not the girl I've mentioned) my friend's sister, and was the closest thing to a friend when the school year started. I wait with her as she finds a ride home. Sometimes I'll take a ride, especially if it's her brother (my friend) driving, but I usually end up walking home. I've gotten so used to walking and running that I know it sideways and backwards. I mean that literally, I sometimes walk home from school backwards, taking a look ahead once every hundred-metres or so.

My evenings are mostly empty. I check my web comics, e-mail and messages. I might watch a show on the computer. I download podcasts. I'm doing well at avoiding my computer, it's now usually asleep or off. Mostly, I'm getting into doing my homework. I'd call up one of my friends except that they're all in university and they have classes until late and work on homework until later. I would read more books if I didn't have English class.

At night I try to get to sleep. Sometimes I catch myself watching too many shows, surfing the Internet, looking up concepts or very rarely playing a video game. I shower, shave, brush my teeth, clip my nails, make tomorrow's lunch, undress, listen to a podcast and think. Sleep hits me later. I'm now trying to be asleep for midnight. I'm a night-owl by nature, but I have too much going on in my morning.

Tuesday follows much the same pattern. I might wake up later and skip breakfast or forget my apple. At lunch I'll go to either the robotics club or visit some grade ten friends. The former started earlier this month and the latter make me feel old, awkward and they're a bit too ridiculous for me. I hang out with them because of a similar interest in Japan, though they're into the over-the-top anime stuff while I try to avoid it. My night is also the same. I keep my schedule open hoping that something might happen, that someone might call, but nothing has.

On Wednesday lunch is spent with the Interact club. I get there early to try to get people to sign attendance. Once enough people are there I start the meeting and the executive takes turns taking about the different things going on, asking questions, talking about upcoming events and urging people to sign up. The meeting finishes a little before lunch is over. And once again my night is empty.

Thursdays have the usual setup until school ends. Then I head out for the Cove. It's a guest home (old folks home) where I volunteer for Interact. We've been having trouble getting people to go (despite our other guest home volunteering taking off) but I show up every week, even sometimes when I don't volunteer, just to see how things are going. I don't like volunteer work, especially where I deal with people, but keeping it up has its advantages.

Fridays are not my favourite days. Most goes as usual, except that at night I go in to work with a friend and work until his shift is over. The best term the manager has found for my work is quasi-. It's weird and I wish I had something else to do on Fridays, but I don't. I get home late and try to get to sleep.

Saturdays change. Sometimes I have a slow day, sometimes I work out at the house and other times something might actually happen, but not often.

Me working at the house (a few weeks ago).

This Saturday I got up early to go to a robotics competition. Our club finished working on our robot Friday and had a few dry runs. The competition was to built a robot for stacking Jenga blocks in one-on-one matches. I got there early and saw one of my university friends. It turned out that the university was having a forum where everyone was showing off different research and other types of projects. My friend was part of a team making a cheap and effective catalyst with a proline enzyme. I saw other projects by other friends, some looked cool like one about waves (standing waves) in fire, and some were so simple I couldn't believe that was it (like one on energy, e=mgh=.5mvv). There was also a robotics competition between the engineering students about robots throwing balls over a wall.
We looked at our competition, one school had copied a design right out of a manual, another had gone for something very effective, but that would take a lot of time to build anything very high. The best design slid the blocks into long slot and then pulled the whole lot vertical (a bit hard to explain). Our picked them up one by one and stacked them, but along with the former, we stacked blocks end-on-end, and with blocks four times longer than wide or high, that made it a lot easier. We won. Mostly because the better designed robot broke down, but we won none the less. I'll also add that all the designs I saw here were ones I had thought of, but that really doesn't mean much.
At then end of the event, everyone was gathered in a classroom and awards were presented. The plaque for our event was very plain, wooden with a small metal plate near the top naming the university, department, competition and year. We found out later that (much live everything else in the event including some robots) the plaque had been made at the last minute. We also got free t-shirts, hats and pizza.

Here's a video or robots and the fire project.

When I got home, I was taken out to the house to move some stuff around, and when I got home I called the friend I usually go into work with on Saturdays (cg's brother), but he had already left. I could have gotten another ride in, but I decided to stay at home.

I tried to get some sleep in this morning (Sunday). I made myself an larger lunch to make up for missing breakfast.

My lunch today.

Today, as usual, my homework isn't done yet, a habit I want broken. I cleaned up my room, and as usual, I'll get myself cleaned up, showered, shaven and all the rest. I'll finish my homework and read more of my English book, Nineteen-Eighty-Four. Hopefully I'll be done and asleep before the day is done.