The week before last there was a hockey tournement in the area. I'm not very interested in hockey but I attended a few games in order to get whatever of a fraction closer to my new friends.
Actually, I'm not sure if friends is the right word for it. I don't make connections with people very easily; my first host father apparently didn't like that I didn't consider him like m own father. "Friends" sounds too assuming; they have yet to invite me to anything and we've never done anything outside of school and related events. I would like to consider them friends, but for now I'll go with aquaintances.
There was also a dance that friday. Normally, I don't bother going to dances, but it's another chance to be with people, especially my new aquaintances. My excuse was to sign in* a friend of someone in the group of aquaintences. I knew neither person well, but it gave me a reason to go. I showed up fifteen minutes early and waited. I was among the first in line, but I just sat there and let people go by me, waiting for the person I had to sign in or anyone I knew. A few minutes after it started, I got a text saying he wasn't coming, but I didn't really care. I waited, and a few minutes later I went in. I met a few of my friends and followed them to the dance floor. I'm not very good at dancing. I thinking too much, and it makes me tense, I can feel a beat, but I usually just use them for running, and I never know what to do with my hands (I'm guessing I'd be better drunk because I'd be more relaxed and using my arms a lot more). I eventually got a bit into it and it was fun, but effectively every try I made to dance near my crush failed and in general I didn't really feel like integral part of the group. About twenty minutes before it ended, I started thinking again and that made me tense up and get depressed. I went to the cafeteria alone and waited for it to end. It ended with me walking home on my own.
This past week little has happened. I've thought of asking my crush out, but I'm very sure that if I had tried, the answer would have been a quick "no." The debating club was selling a service where they would deliver cards and candy to valentines for a price. Apparently there were a lot for her, but she wasn't there when they were delivered. I didn't bother. Cards are nice, but they're too indirect. If I ask her (or anyone for that matter), I would do it face to face.
Other than that, this past week has been pretty quiet. I played video games with my friends last night, I found out how to make my favourite (alcoholic) drink, and I've stopped refusing rides, but I'll get to that in a later entry. The reason I haven't written in so long is because I was waiting for that crazy weekend with the dance and the hockey tournement to end, but when it did I was left in a melancholy that would have seeped into anything I wrote, and the last two nights I've been up for video games and an English project (below).
It's a collage of favourites, likes and cetera: movie (The Shawshank Redemption), television show (House), an interest (kanji), like (computer), dislike (computer), pastime (running, bike, piano), place (mountains), character (The Dark Knight's Joker), food (pizza), book (Ender's Game), subject (math, the equation is derivative), children's book (Dr. Seuess books, represented by the cat's hat), song/writer (I don't follow much in music, but I have a lot of Linkin Park songs) and saying (「完璧ありえない この世界は不完全だ だから美しい」 "Nothing is perfect. This world is imperfect. That's why it's beautiful" -Shou Aikawa).*students from other school need to be accompanied to our dances by someone from our school.
No comments:
Post a Comment