How I think

Before I get into it, I'm just going to digress into the sujbect of "sophistication." Sophisticated is one of my favourite words. It has similar roots to philosopher and sophist, probably more to the latter. I like it because sophisticated means high class, and a sophist is someone who uses misleading arguments. I like to laugh at how high class and deception go hand in hand.

Going of on a tangent of this dirgession, I've got a bit of both, I use sophistry in arguments and while I'm not high class, I do have my own personal manners. Among these manners, I find that people should always say the greeting that suits the other person. That probably doesn't make much sense until I explain that I often chat with people in different time zones. I wish them a good morning and then they return it and I remind them that it's not morning but evening where I am. Second, I don't see much point in making fun of people in other languages, since if they don't understand it, it has as much meaning as any fake garbage of a language you make up on the spot, and if they do understand it, then I think you've chosen the wrong language. And lastly, if it doesn't hinder you to help someone, then you should do it. Anyways, that's enough.

Now on the reason for this entry. First of all, most of this is a consequence of a mental debate I had about five years ago. I was trying to figure the world out by overthinking everything I knew, taking every idea apart, anaylsing it and looking for some sort of ultimate paradigm. Needless to say, it was unsuccessful, but it had some effects on me.
First was science, I became almost obsessed with the idea of it. I wanted to figure out everything, and science became my new best friend. Ideas, theories, principles, laws, all of it intruiged me. I thought about it all the time, my head was full of it. Everytime I went around a turn in a car, I felt for the centrifugal force (which I now know doesn't exist). I did calculations in my head, even if I didn't have numbers I would still think about how the equations worked (and my math mark enjoyed a year of a ninety-nine per cent average). Then I got to where science didn't have answers. Scientists are still debating theories, coming up with new ideas and no one really knows what's going on (also, I hate quantum and string theory).
And as an added bonus, I tried to get rid of my emotions. I saw them as distractions and things that would get in the way of more logical thinking (which does have some truth to it, but it just a bad idea).
Then I moved into philosophy. Not the "you should live your life this way" cultist kind, but the classic greek "this is how the world works" variety. I tried to imagine what our world meant, how it could of begun, what could be behind it and all that jazz. This broke down a few things, morality no longer made sense, and neither did religion. I was depressed and confused and the more I overthought it, the deeper the rabbit hole went.
Eventually, three things happened. The first was that my emotions came back. I found a girl (not as in a girlfriend, I just an aquaintance). Everything I said seemed to make her sad, and something inside of me didn't like to see her sad, so I tried to be more outwardly positive. I didn't really succeed, but in doing so, I found my emotions and didn't throw them away.
The second thing was I lost my belief in religion. It happened while I was still a memeber of the parish, and so I continued on as if nothing was different, I was even confirmed while thinking "I don't believe this." I didn't speak true because for me it had nothing to do with my personal faith, it had to do with the community. The internal backlash of this has had some negative effects, but I know that I don't have faith in a god.
And the last effect is my way of thinking. I mentally debate many issues. I split my mind up and argue a point. It works well for debating. Though I'm still sometimes partial to one side, and have trouble seeing anything on the other side. And my mind enjoys tearing things apart with criticism, which can be a good thing, except that with all my time to overthink, it often goes overboard.

The issue of morailty, of good and bad and how they fit into our world was solved for me by sujectivity; everyone has their own views. From the objective point of view, there is no good or bad, only thinking makes it so (thank you Hamlet). While I don't believe in good and evil, I've realized that it does help to be selfless. If you give to others, it makes them more willing to give to you, and by not doing "bad" things, you usually avoid problems like enfing up in prision. Though I don't think that giving and recieving isn't directly proportional like some dogma make it seem (golden rule and karma).

Aside from that, I've always had a different way of thinking. When someone asks how something can be done, I answer them, I tell them all the ways I can think of and I often inlcude ways most people would avoid (but I make sure to add disclaimers). I can use sophism and often play the devil's advocate, sometimes just for fun (and agan, with disclaimers). I'm also a lot less attached than most people, even to myself I'd say (and no, video games did not cause my problems, I was a very violent and arrogant child). And I play life like I play video games, not as if I had a reset button, but occasionally taking chances, trying to keep things interesting but most of all, trying to progress.

And while I'm here, I think I'll give my thoughts on something which I think many people misconceive: chaos. Most people think it means death and destruction and all things bad, but really I don't see it that way.

First, let's get down to basics. Let's say you have... Lego makes a good example but I think I'll go with letters. So, the letters "f," "o," "u" and "r" make the word "four." But to do so, they have to be in that order. If I write "ofru," "oruf" or any of twenty one other combinations, it wouldn't be "four." So "four" would be those letters in order and any of the others would be those same letters in chaos. That's just forming the word "four," but those other combinations might have other meanings and really the only difference is the order.
To sum up, chaos is just the lack of that order. Let's say that you're building a house and you have all the materials. There's only a few combinations of those materials that you would want as your house, the rest are just random messes. In art, this chaos provides freedom and what most people call abstract (actually, and abstract is a summary like on the back of a book and true abstract are is supposed to be a representation or a summary of something).
So choas isn't really a bd thing, it's just that most of the time, you want things in a specific order.

Destruction can be chaotic because it often gets things out of order, but there are ways to destroy things very orderly and build things very chaotically. Also, because of the random nature of chaos, it's usually unstable and eventually reverts to order. There is no such thing as perfect chaos, as anything perfect would be orderly.

I like the idea of chaos because it's interesting, it's not straight forward. True order scares me because it leads to perfectionism, and nothing is perfect, id est perfect is nothing, and I'd rather something than nothing.

Anyways, I think I've shared enough of my thoughs for today.