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I've been reading Tuesdays with Morrie. I'll say it's a good book and that I recommend it to anyone who wants a better life and is willing to rethink some aspects of their lifestyle. Not that that's overwith... ugh. Don't get me wrong, the book isn't bad, a bit too light for me, but my main problem with it is that he's right and I've tried it but failed. Now I'll explain what I mean (and the title of this entry). Keep in mind that I haven't finished the book, but I doubt it's going to turn around on itself. It's a true story about a professor's slow death and his ideas of life and how we should live. One of the main ideas is to get rid of all the useless distractions in life like television, video games, new cars, bigger toys and all that jazz and to focus on our connections with real people. He talks about how we should focus more on being happy, being true to ourselves, and more (and there is more to the book, I'm just focusing).

My problem with the book is that, put simply, I'm jealous. You might remember me writing about when I started high school (and if you don't or I didn't, here you go: ) that I was just getting out of a depression and my feelings for a girl helped. That feeling is something I'm still trying to fulfill.

I want to connect with someone, call it whatever you want, a connection, contact, relationship, devotion, affection, love or just sitting down with a friend and having a chat. Humans are social creatures, but I feel alone. Sure, there're friends, those connection count, hell, I used to be fine with just that, but we've grown apart. I don't see them as much, usually when I do it's about video games or we're in a large group, and it loses that personal touch. I don't have anyone with whom I can share secrets, concerns or feelings (if anything, I now trust strangers more than most friends). There's also family, but I'm not the closest with some of them and I've grown independant of my parents, and most of us live on opposite sides of a very large country. But getting back to my topic in particular, I know what I'd want for that person, it's genetic, generic and almost cliche. I want a girlfriend (mate, companion, significant other, choose your term of preference). I trust and feel better connection with girls (women) and yes, I'm also a lusty perverted guy, that's natural (any man who says he isn't is either lying or quite an exception). Mostly now, I think I want the company, hell, I write a blog on the Internet, what about this doesn't scream "lonely."

I bring this up for several reasons. First of all, it's a topic I've brought up before, but always presented in a different way, the term I most often use it "looking for something." Second, it's that prevalent a feeling. Third, and this should probabyl be second, the girls at work keep telling me to get a girlfriend (as if it's easy, I'm on my fourth or fifth try), and bu me about any girl I talk to at Boston Pizza. Usually asking if she's my girlfriend. One was someone I didn't have those feelings for, another was my friend's ex who still hangs out with us, another was three years younger, considers me a pervert, knows me mostly for my knowledge of Japan and Japanese (I'm almost tutoring her) and is too "moe" (pronounced mo-ay, it refers to a Japanese stereotype usually involving young, immature, innocent, clutsy girls) for me. I'm surprised the girl with pink shoes isn't on this list, but she hasn't been to boston Pizza in a long time, at least not while I was there. It's kind of funny considering that she's the girl I mentioned at the beginning of this.

Well, it's one of the clock in the morning and my laundry is done. But I'll continue.

For a long while I actually didn't know specifically what the feeling was or what I was searching for. That's not to say that I didn't want to go out with anyone, just that I didn't make the connection between the feelings. I actually figured it out when I was on a movie binge. I was watching old movies, mostly Disney movies, and I was trying to narrow down what movies I wanted to watch when I made the connection: they were all the romance movies, or at least movies with romance as a core theme: Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Anastasia, Breakfast at Tiffany's (I only skipped Roman Holiday because I own it and have seen it so many times already). I almost found myself skipping the action parts.

Anyways, I'd write more, but I need sleep.