White noise isn't noisy enough

Today was the first day back after the Easter weekend. I spent much of my time working on a roof or trying to recover from working on a roof. Apparently I missed a lot of sleep too because I slept through my alarm. This would be understandable for most people, my alarm is white noise, but I'm a light sleeper and even white noise on minimal volume settings can get me up and panicked. This is because I've never been good with mornings, and my brain, while semiconscious, is very good at avoiding getting up. So, in order to counter this, I've been playing something similar to pshycological warfare with my morning self. I've set alarms early, set clocks ahead, changed the minute the alarm goes off (because most people don't pay attention to the hour if they think they know it), hidden my clock, set the alarm late, placed it far away and much more. Now I'm worried about tomorrow morning. Oh, and I use white noise because I wake up early and I don't want to bother anyone else.

So I missed physics this morning, but I know the topic, it's another one I remeber from Japan and there weren't any projects or tests, so I'm fine. I think my absence was mentioned less than three times and only casually. The rest of the day was normal. We have another book on religion for English (specifically, Catholisism). I'm getting tired of it. Religion is really not a good subject to flood me with. A breif mention or something short, fine, but constant reading, debates, even for the side I agree with is a bad idea.

So, getting away from that. Right now I'm just procrastinating. I'm bored and there's nothing that makes me want to work. I'll have all of my projects and stuff done for tomorrow, but I'm not feeling that productive and I know why: teen agnst, mostly undue and mostly from not having as much of a life as I want. I have about three good friends who I see at best, three times a week, and one of those times is work. My life at school is depressing. There are people I talk to, but I know I'm still an outsider. The only ones who talk to me are the ones who need something for school or want to see what eccentric answer I'll give this time. I'm being negativce and pessimistic about this, but luckily today I have an example of the best reaction I've gotten so far:

I was talking to cg and a-guy-who-is-always-well-dressed after school. I said that I thought cg was better dressed than him today (my words specifically were "I do believe you've been outdressed"). She was taken aback saying that I always seem to imply that she's not attractive. This is not true, (well, I might be giving the wrong impression but) she's very attractive, smart and has a great personality with lots of twisted humour. Most guys would be luck to have her, except that she would probably be the one wearing the pants. She's desirable, but no, I'm not after her. I have my reasons.

This also sort of scared me because it shows just how wrong of an impression I give. It reminds me of all the times I've been called a liar while telling the truth (I think people would believe me more if I told lies).

I've always wondered what I'm really like. I don't think anyone knows what they themselves are like. We can't see ourselves. Sure, you can look in a mirror, or take a picture, video, a recording, or see how others are affected by you, but it's never you. It's a reflection, a photograph, video, a strange voice and often very indirect (respectively). Oh well, I just hope that I get better at this impressions thing, or signals, or being believed when telling the truth.

No I need to finish a physics lab. Goodni-

Oh, and I had a chat with Niku yesterday via Facebook. I was at a friends and it was late, but it was nice to be in contact again. I REALLY need to get some letters and e-mails off.

G'night.